I was once married. And while I loved being a wife, I forgot the importance of dating myself. Often times we give to others more than we do to our own well-being. I will never make this mistake again. I have made a commitment to put myself first; to make sure I am attending to my needs. We tend to expect for others to love and nurture us in ways that are our responsibility. While single in my late twenties, I courted myself. I would engage in conversations deciding what I wanted to do that day. Although I desired to keep that same attitude afloat while being married, I did not. I was predominantly concerned with what would please my significant other. Being single for almost a year, I have been slowly getting back into Ms. Epiphany and what she wants. Though I am happy my marriage ended, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned. I now know fully that only I am responsible for creating my happiness, and that another can only add to my joy. I know what I like and what I am not so fond of. Most importantly, I have learned to love and be honest with myself at all times. Self-discovery has been my most substantial journey of this lifetime.
Since the beginning of this year I have been engaged to myself. Yes, myself. The engagement meant that I would do everything possible to take care of and honor myself. Conjointly, I have been in search of the perfect engagement ring. I was clear on some of the features I wanted: a large emerald cut amethyst ring, in a non-bulky setting. I'm attracted to amethyst first for its amazing healing properties, and secondly because of my affinity with purple. I began my search over the spring; up until this point I had been unsuccessful, yet hopeful. I believe in the power of manifestation, and knew my ring was out there for me. This past Monday, I went into a jewelry store that offers conflict-free stones, to customize my ring. I was told that the amethyst would not be a problem to order, but the band I wanted would have to be made entirely from scratch, and even still that was only a possibility. I left that shop feeling a little disappointed knowing that there was a chance I would have to spend more money than planned, depending on if they could produce the band. In spite of the disappointment, this obstacle did not deter me. The next day, while doing some quick shopping before my date night with the band OkGo, I walked near another favorite jeweler of mine. I had purchased from them several times, and had been on the lookout of possibly acquiring my ring from this shop. This day I was in a rush to leave the mall, and already well behind on my schedule. Something told me to stop and go in. After a small debate I compiled. I went directly to the amethyst section, and immediately saw it: the ring. There was only one ring of its kind and it was not “supposed” to fit. I am a size 6, the ring is a 5. Placing it onto my finger, the fit was perfect. At that moment the world stopped. I found my ring.
Before settling on my ring, I almost allowed my mind to hinder me. This ring was EXACTLY what I wanted, except the shape was rounded, not the emerald cut I had envisioned. However, once I put the ring on all nonsense chatter ceased. I walked out of that store with a sense of accomplishment. I was feeling myself.
My ring is an addition to the renewed dedication I have made to myself. My pledge is this: I will love the entirety of who I am. I will accept myself in all situations, good and bad. I will not debase myself in any form. I will allow spirit to lead, and I will follow. Finally, I will always, always, always take care of myself.
In time there will be an official ceremony, but like any ceremony that we enter into, I want to make certain that I am completely ready. There will be no looking back. And yes, I fully intend to become a wife again; however, when I do, as I smile down at my left hand knowing that some lucky woman "put a ring on it", I will be reminded by my right hand of my first priority.